The Healing Journey: Healing from Self-Inflicted Wounds

What do you do when your thoughts, actions, and decisions place you on a path that could have detrimental effects?

What do you do when the thing you tried to hide and that you’re ashamed of becomes public knowledge?

Do you isolate? Stay in the place of condemnation? Live in despair? Or do you do the work to learn your “why”?

Well…these are some of the questions I asked myself as I started doing the work to become a better individual. Over the next few weeks, we will dive into 3 (maybe 5) pivotal points that helped me climb from despair, desperation, disgusting feelings, and guilt.

A few years ago, life as I knew it changed. In that moment, I honestly thought and felt everything was over as I couldn't see past my current reality. Now, I won’t go into specifics, but I will say it was bad (I mean bad bad) and to this day I am still dealing with the consequences of my decisions.

However, what I learned in all of this is that it takes responsibility, forgiveness, and resilience to come out of the rabbit hole of despair, desperation, disgusting feelings, and guilt to live life with intention, purpose, and meaning. Yeah, I know it sounds easy but babyyyy….it was a struggle every day, and still to this day I struggle with those 3 “Ds” and that infamous “G”. Can anyone feel me? If you said “yes” then let’s journey together as we unpack, discover, and travel the path of most resistance. Why most resistance because that’s the path you learn you in ways you would not have imagined. This is where you travel inward and go back to pick up the pieces you left behind. You will begin to tackle limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, and mindset shifts, and take responsibility for where you are.

Are you ready? To begin we will look at a couple of definitions to help build our foundation – because without a firm foundation everything crumbles.

Mindset is defined as the established set of attitudes held by someone; a series of self-perceptions or beliefs people hold about themselves. These determine behavior, outlook, and mental attitude.

Responsibility is defined as the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or having control over someone.

Whew, chile!!!! Both mindset and responsibility are all about Y-O-U!!!

When we look at our actions, behavior, and thoughts we see they are directly related to our mindset and our need to be, or not to be responsible individuals. Everything that we do, and all that people see of us is because of our mindset.

Okay, so let’s go back to when I decided I was sick and tired of hiding in the shadow of my past. I honestly don’t remember the exact day, but I do remember that I was no longer willing to let what I had done be bigger than what I believed, and who I believed in…GOD. Yep, I decided I would allow God to heal me, and I surrendered to His process and plan.

Step 1 – Responsibility

Taking responsibility for my actions was the first step to my healing and path to forgiveness. It wasn’t until I acknowledged where I was that I could then begin the process of healing. Everything prior to that was about hiding, lying, and covering up my actions. I remember praying one day while taking a walk and hearing that still small voice says, “exposure brings healing”. Initially, I tried to dismiss what I heard but the voice kept ringing in my spirit, so I began sharing with my closest friends what I was facing. Disclaimer: You share for others to help pray you through and encourage you, nothing else. The thought of sharing my darkest secret and exposing myself to others was terrifying and frightening, to say the least. But I knew that once I opened up, I could then begin healing. So, I made the difficult decision to reach out to my closest friends and share my destructive actions, what I was experiencing, my thoughts, and how I needed their support as I started my healing journey. To say that everyone was open and supportive would be a L-I-E. But those who did are still rocking with me to this day. ❤️

In the words of Red, Morgan Freeman’s character in Shawshank Redemption, “either you get busy living, or you get busy dying!” I got busy living! I began journaling to capture my thoughts and feelings and to discover unhealthy patterns in my life. I got serious about what I listened to, who I shared things with, and the conversations I had with myself and others. I found scripture to support where I was and where I wanted to go. I began tracking my negative thoughts and feelings to discover the root cause(s). I started meditating on Philippians 4:8 (KJV) – Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. And 2 Corinthians 10:5 (MEV) casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.

Every day was about being intentional and responsible. Intentional about my thoughts, day, and life. Responsible for my actions as a result of my thoughts, day, and life. I decided if something didn’t serve my purpose, I had to be okay with removing it. There are days I still struggle with varying feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, inadequacy, etc., but I don’t allow these feelings to just sit and fester into something more that will cause me to spiral out of control. I go back to what I said earlier…I journal, and I pray.

I take responsibility for my thoughts and feelings which ultimately leads me to bring those things into submission – where I control them as opposed to allowing them to control me.

What would your life look like if you began to take your thoughts captive and didn’t allow them to control you? What if you were fully in control? How different would your life be? Just asking…